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Yes, There Will Be a Fourth (and Final) Stephen A. Smith Heckling Video. June 11, 2009

Posted by mb in special projects, stephen a. smith heckling society of gentlemen.
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So yeah.  We are aware that Stephen A. no longer works for ESPN.  We are aware of his amazing Twitter page, and we even made Deadspin aware of some fun developments there.

We are also aware that some of you are curious about what, if anything, we’ll do this year.

Here’s the deal:  We’ll do a video of some sort.  This year’s “Stephen A. Smith Heckled At the NBA Draft” video will be rather different, owing largely to the lack of Stephen A. to heckle.  It will also be the last, for the same reason.  But it’s also just time to call it.  We have traversed a lot of territory – groundbreaking whimsy, triumphant perfection, dark explorations of fate – and we’ve accomplished a lot of productive silliness.  But just as all good things must come to an end, they also cry out for proper closure.  So:  One more video.

What form will this video take?  We’re still figuring this out.

But we will make an effort.  Stay tuned.  Oh, and follow us on Twitter, won’t you?  @hecklingsociety

Floness! February 23, 2009

Posted by mb in special projects, stephen a. smith heckling society of gentlemen.
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So the story is this:  I worked somewhere near Rockefeller Center.  One day, I walk home past the rink, pondering the collapse of the global economy (as I’m wont to do), and there he is.

He was unreal.  I came back with a camera a few nights later, just knowing the odds were good that he’d be there again, and I took a few minutes of footage.  He needed to be shared with the world.  And he needed a theme song.

The words came to me quickly, and the tune followed. And so here, courtesy of a still camera with movie functionality and the miracle that is Apple GarageBand, is Floness.  Long live Floness!

Introducing the Anthony Bonner Project April 28, 2008

Posted by mb in allan houston, anthony bonner project, blog news, isiah thomas, new heights of lows, saving the world, special projects, starting lineup intro.
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It is, perhaps, time we talked.

I’ve said little about the Knicks in recent weeks, and that is largely because there is little to be said that either brighter minds haven’t said – witness this New York Magazine article, perhaps the best write-up of this generation of Knicks yet – or that we haven’t all realized.

I will say this. I am excited about the hiring of Donnie Walsh to the effect that it represents the possibility of a return to competence, both in the front office and on the sideline. But I am worried nonetheless, not even so much because of Walsh’s recent record, which Bill Simmons’ summarizes nicely here:

Here’s a great example: New York’s hiring of 67-year-old Donnie Walsh to save its basketball operations. Yeah, he’s a “respected” name, but he was also part of the braintrust that overpaid for Jermaine O’Neal, Al Harrington, Austin Croshere and Jamaal Tinsley; traded for the reprehensible contracts of Mike Dunleavy Jr. and Troy Murphy just to get Ike Diogu (huh????) and dump Stephen Jackson; turned Antonio Davis (a valuable big man at the time) into Jonathan Bender; turned Ron Artest into three months of Peja Stojakovic; hired Isiah Thomas as a coach and handed over the 2002 draft to him (leading to Isiah overruling his scouts and drafting Fred Jones over Tayshaun Prince); and on top of that, it’s not like he was knocking draft picks out of the park (check out Indiana’s picks since 1990 and tell me if you love any of them other than the no-brainer pick of Danny Granger in ‘05, unless you have a fetish for white guys who were drafted 15 picks too high). Could Larry Bird share some of the blame for those moves? Absolutely. But it’s bizarre to me that anyone would consider Walsh a potential savior of anything. That’s the NBA for you.

No, I am concerned largely because at no point have I heard Walsh, Jim Dolan or anyone else articulate a new fashion of doing business. This, more than anything, is what needs changing.

So begins the Anthony Bonner project. In the weeks to come, the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen will attempt to call attention to the things Walsh and the MSG management can do to turn this sucker around.

We begin today with what I would have liked Donnie Walsh to have said upon taking the reins:

Good morning. My name is Donnie Walsh, and I now run the New York Knicks. Little needs to be said about the state of the franchise as I inherit it today. The fans of this great city have gone far too long without the brand of basketball they deserve, one that can make them proud to be Knick fans once again. I aim to restore it.

But I am here today to discuss a broader issue. I honestly believe that even as I inherit it, the team could have made the playoffs this year. With better coaching, a healthy Stephon Marbury and an absence of the sideshow theatrics that came to define the 2007-2008 Knicks, there is not a doubt in my mind that the team could have beaten out the Atlanta Hawks, a young and exciting but still sub-.500 and structurally flawed team, for the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. And yet that would not have been a victory of any real depth, even if that team could have duplicated the playoff feats of the Just Ballin’ Knicks of 1999. It would have been a band-aid, and it would have masked gaping problem areas in the way that this organization is run. These problem areas need to be addressed. Today, this process begins.

Every organization makes bad personnel decisions now and then. Every now and then, you’ll trade Patrick Ewing for Glen Rice and Luc Longley. But there exists a certain class of poor decisions that any organization worth its salt should immunize itself from. These are the decisions that make it difficult or impossible to recover from other bad decisions, that cause roster inflexibility to mount, payrolls to skyrocket well past the salary cap and rebuilding processes that are a natural event even in successful organizations to become both permanent and aimless. The New York Knicks have seen more than their fair share of such moves. Today, I ban them. Under no circumstances will the following things occur during my tenure.

First, under no circumstances will we bid against ourselves for a player, particularly a player already on the payroll. When Allan Houston was up for free agency some years ago, we more than doubled the next highest offer he had gotten (from the Chicago Bulls). There was no need to do this, considering that we were looking at a one-dimensional player—albeit a very good one—who would have gladly stayed in New York with a lower offer that still would have been the best offer on the table. This signing, more than any other, put us in a situation in which it became impossible to sign other free agents, and it also crushed the morale of our loyal fanbase when Allan’s health deteriorated. We have to be, and from now on will be, a team willing to lose a good player instead of making a bad deal. Just as fans of the New York Mets appreciate their teams’ savvy in not overpaying for the now-terrible Barry Zito, so, too, do we trust that our fans are intelligent enough to recognize the wisdom in these decisions.

Second: We will, at this point, keep an evolving list of those free agents who are actually worth the NBA maximum salary. That list will number no more than 15 players. We will never offer the maximum salary to a player not on this list. Period. Not as a free agent, not as a retained member of the Knicks. Players who disagree with us as to their worth are free to take offers with other teams, assuming they can find an organization whose sense of their worth is more in alignment with theirs.

Third: We will not overvalue or under-evaluate a talent – player, coach or otherwise – for reasons of regional favor. We will no longer be an organization that leaps to get Stephen Marbury, in part, because he is a Brooklyn guy whose homecoming would be a nice story. We recognize that fans of the New York Knicks desire not a homegrown product but a winning product. This includes our coaches. As many of you already know, I have expressed interest in hiring Mark Jackson, a Brooklyn product, to assume the head coaching position. I give you my assurances that Jackson or whomever I hire will have gotten the job because they are the best person possible, not because of their narrative arc.

Fourth, when this coach is hired, he will place an emphasis on defense. Right now, there isn’t a single capable New York interior defender. Not David Lee, not anyone. This is less because of lack of talent than it is lack of competent coaching. Although excellent defenders are few and far between, anyone can become a capable defender. The next coach will make this a priority, one that easily could have propelled the Knicks to the playoffs this season.

Fifth: The following, from the NY Magazine article, will never be written of a New York Knick offense ever again: “‘Scouts love going to see them because it’s an easy night,’ the Eastern scout said. When in doubt, Thomas fell back on ‘isolation,’ where Randolph or Crawford went one-on-one before chucking. This didn’t take much practice; the players had been doing it since they were 8 years old.”

Our offenses may be boring once again, as they were under Pat Riley and Jeff Van Gundy. But they will not be pointless or aimless. Not on my watch.

Sixth, under no circumstances will we ever leave a draft pick traded without lottery protection. If we ever trade a top five lottery pick again, it will be on the eve of the draft when the position of the pick is known to one and all and we know we will receive equal value. It will not be because we’ve put our fans in the position of sweating through the lottery, praying for a genuine miscalculation not to come to fruition. I have seen Knick fans in the NBA Draft chant, “WHERE’S OUR DRAFT PICK?” to the tune of “FI-RE LAY-DEN.” Not this time. Never again.

Seventh: The number one priority for this organization in the long run is now salary cap flexibility. This means that we do not trade bad contracts in order to take on worse contracts, or even slightly less rancid contracts that are a year or two longer. It means that we less bad contracts expire and let players walk where need be. This “radioactive approach” to contract management demands that fans be patient as Stephon Marbury’s deal passes from the earth. We trust that they will understand.

Eighth: We will re-adjust our system of valuing players such that it represents a basketball intellect greater than that of a 12-year-old playing NBA Live ’08. We will place a premium on players who do the little things that make for winning basketball. We will place far less emphasis on players who could score 20 points for a losing team but offer relatively little else. Renaldo Balkman, you are now playing more. David Lee, you are now a starter. Zach Randolph and Quentin Richardson, you are now on notice.

Ninth: We will bring back the player intro music from the mid 1990s. We are sorry for the shit we make you sit through now.

Tenth: We will eliminate the cheer squad we’ve started sending around the Garden at home games, spurring fans to cheer regardless of the dreck on the court. We are sorry for making you sit through their shit, too. If we put a good product on the court, the fans will take care of themselves.

Eleventh: We no longer care about how the media covers us. If we put a good product on the court, this, too, will resolve itself.

I’ll now open up the floor for questions.

And scene. Very simple. Over the next few weeks, through the Anthony Bonner Project you’ll see a number of measures meant to convince the Knicks to embrace these wise suggestions. Youtube might be involved. Get excited.

2008 is already awesome. January 2, 2008

Posted by mb in special projects, stephen a. smith heckling society of gentlemen.
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Not for the Knicks, of course.  They are still terrible.  But 2008 has already proven to be a very interesting and exciting year for the Society and, perhaps, for society.

I won’t give much away here, but we’ve got a new and interesting project in the works.   Eyes open, gang.  More to come.